So since May I've regretfully gained a LOT of weight.  Combining this fact with my sore joints and lethargy my workouts have been difficult to say the least.  My acupuncturist recommended a doctor in Pueblo that gives you daily injections of a hormone that is only produced during pregnancy.  The doctor that discovered it wrote a book that you can read online.  I'm sorely tempted to check it out and see how much it costs.  If it's below $200 for the entire treatment then I think I may try it, and expect to see my progress posted online.  Supposedly you can loose up to a pound a day!

I've been doing a lot of research into this and it seems pretty legit.  The best thing too, is if I have Lupus or RA, I may go into remission during the treatment.  I might even try and get my sister involved as there are reports of individuals with fibromyalgia that say they are pain free during the treatments.

If anyone has heard of hCG injections for weight loss, let me know!  I'm really interested in what you've hear/experienced.

So I really try not to post about my health issues too much.  I know that some other people do read this and on other blogs that I've had all I've seemed to do was whine about how depressed I was etc...  But I really need to just get some stuff out of my system, so pardon me while I do so.

Since the begining of September I've been waking up with really sore and stiff joints.  I've also been sleeping a MASSIVE amount.  When I say massive I mean in excess of 15 hours a day, for several days in a row.  I went to the rheumatilogist last week.  He couldn't make a positive diagnosis, but he thinks I have Lupus or Rhuematoid Arthritis.  If I do have either, it's not unusual for my tests to come back negative for years until the disease progresses.  Until then I'm stuck with taking pain killers every day.

I'm glad I've found something that helps with the pain.  I was getting really frustrated with feeling the way I was was.  But now it seems like my life revolves around medications.  And there isn't any end in sight.  If I have either Lupus or RA, I'll be taking medication for it until I die of old age, until they find a cure, or until one of the disease kill me.  That's the second thing that freaks me out.  Both diseases shorten your lifespan.  RA on average of 10 years.  Lupus by signifigantly more.  I'm freaked out by the fact that worse case scenario means I may not live past 40 due to Lupus destroying my kidneys.  Best case I'll live a long life, but with intermittent bouts of pain, fatigue and other complications.

Ignoring the long term prognosis, at the moment I've been so tired that the only social event I've been to in the last 2 months has been to my Work holiday party.  I've even been too tired, and my hands have ached too much, for me to even want to IM with some great new friends I made online.  I want to be able to work out again.  To go to the bars with my friend (but alcohol interacts with my pain medication).  I need to sign up for classes next semester, but I'm not sure I'll be able to follow through.  I've withdrawn from too many classes in the past several semesters.  I just want to finish school.  And be healthy.  Is that too much to ask?

No one seems to understand just how tired I've been.  My dad keeps trying to get me up, saying I won't be able to sleep that night if I slept all day.  So I got up for a few hours and then went back to bed.  My mom wants to take me to alternative medicine doctors and 'cure' my Lyme Disease (which I had the doctor test me for and I don't have), and it doesn't mean taking massive amounts of supplements and vitamins will make me better.  Plus I already tried for a couple of months.  I didn't see any results and I'm sorry if I got sick and tired of taking over  15 pills for breakfast in lieu of actual food.

I guess I'm just frustrated, a little scared, and just uncertain as to what to do next...

So while posting on the message boards at theforce.net, there was a thread that made me stop and think.  This particular thread related to phobias people had, and I had a moment of flashback to when I was younger and used to have nightmares about stuff growing off my skin.  It's not so much the growing stuff that freaks me out, but the patterns and roots that developed.  (My skin is getting all crawly just typing about it)  Anyways I looked it up and it's called trypophobia, the fear of holes. Now that sounds silly, who the hell is afraid of holes?  But these are pretty specific to naturally occuring holes, like in people's skin, the holes in swiss cheese etc... just google trypophobia and you'll see an example of what makes me want to claw my skin off when I see a picture of it.  (I'll not post a picture here, as I seriously will just freak out everytime I look at my journal)

On another note, looks like I might have Lyme disease.  Hence the achey joints and stuff.  We'll see how this turns out.

I got written up at work today.  I expected it.  My boss was surprised that I didn't argue with him, apparently everyone else on the planet had been arguing with him that day.  Nope. I know I missed a crap load of work when I had the cold from hell, I deserved to be written up.

On another note, my Dad came back from Saudi!!  I can't really say why, except that it involves lawyers, and he'll be here for a week before heading back.  Right now he and my mom are next door dressed as pirates.  I was supposed to do my mom's makeup, I tried to make her look Wenchy, but it turned out more like someone punched her in both eyes.  Oh well.  I wasn't expecting the wrinkles on her eye lids, didn't know how to cope with those.

Good news!  I finished a Supernatural fic!  It's the first one I've finished in forever.  It felt sooooooooooooo good typing that last sentence.  Partly because I was done, and partly because I was being incredably cruel to my character.  Hah!  My friend, muse and the person who kicks me in the ass when I get an idea for another story, Schelz was mad at me for ending it the way I did.  Then I came up with an idea for a sequel.  So I sent my story in to the very bestest Beta in the world, who will pick apart my story, tell me I suck at grammar and hopefully my writing will improve in a few generations.

Bad news!  My hands fucking hurt.  Really hurt.  If I hadn't taken a whopping dose of pain killers I'd not be on the internet at all.  I don't know what it is!  I've gone to physical therapists, acupuncturists, general practitioners and my shrink, done everything they ask, and yet they still hurt.  Oh, and now my jaw, neck and arm also occasionally hurt.

Alright, well I'm back, I had been called away to the neighbors Halloween party.  Their cd player was broken.  So of course my parents spread the word that I am a miracle worker when it comes to electronics (what they don't know is it is only with TV's, and a little bit of computers, the rest of technology, meh).  I trek accross the yard, well the cd's stuck in the little fucker.  To make things worse it's a Bose, and I know those are expensive, so I don't want to take it apart.  Instead I haul over our big ass boom box for them to play their tunes on.  The entire time, I felt extremely uncomfortable.  The guy dressed like Mr T wasn't making it any better.  God, I hope when I'm that old I can still at least use a CD player!

After badly neglecting my livejournal I figure it's due some TLC.

So what's up with me?  I'm back in school, doing fairly well.  I've got an Intro to literature class that rocks.  The teacher is awesome.  I made some friends at school, they  make me feel old... I guess all those times I've teased my older friends I'm finally getting what's due.  Karma's a bitch.  Heh.

On the subject of school my major has been switch once again, but with a twist.  This time I have gone back to one of my previous majors, a first.  I'm still interested in Nursing and although it takes forever to get into a nursing school here I came up with a solution to that to.  It involves moving to North Dakota for two years... but I don't mind that.  I actually like it there.  (Yeah, strange, I hated Wyoming but love North Dakota... I mean the two aren't even remotely alike, Wyoming sucks ass and North Dakota can actually be a pretty cool place, boring, but cool).  Anyways, both my Aunt's graduated from a nursing school up there and that school doesn't have a wait list, is part of a magnet hospital, has a 98% NCLEX pass rate and isn't outrageously expensive.  Plus they have dormitories and if you have relatives that are alumni they put you on the short list.  So I figure I've got pretty good chances.  Oh, and in two years I'll have a bachelors, not an associates like the schools here.  I'm thinking I'll specialize in mental health.  I figure I give out enough adivce to everyone else, why not get paid for it.

I went to my doctor today.  My hands have been sore when I wake up and it's been a bit hard to drive, type, brush my teeth, you know all those essential things for living life from day to day.  I though it would be some kind of repetitive stress injury.  I get those alot.  Anyways I was expecting some kind of exercises and maybe an anti inflammatory.  But nooooo... I had to have all the symptoms of Rheumatoid arthritis.  Doesn't help that I have a cousin who has it (interesting story, he has an identical twin that doesn't have RA, the Mayo clinic did some big study on them because they were just so interesting.).  Plus apparently if you have one autoimmune disease you're likely to have others.  I hope the test comes back negative because that would just suck.  Until then I'm using this really great cream called Pain Wizard.  It's got Capasaicin in.  Awesome stuff.

My dad called yesterday, he got a job offer.  Apparently in Saudi he's a very popular guy.  Aramco said they want to create a position for him in the company.  The job would mean he would have to stay in Saudi for five years, but he'd get paid BIG BIG bucks, and the benefits are incredible.  When we lived in Saudi all the military brats were insanely jealous of the Aramco kids.   I mean, we had a good life, lived in a nice home, had a maid and a nanny, went to an exclusive school and generally had lots of fun.  The aramco kids still had it better.  I spend a couple days at the military resort on Arabian Sea.  Nice beach side place.  We could swim and go boating.  Next to us was the Aramco compound.  They had jetskis.  And from what little we could see possibly cabana boys as well.  They live like KINGS there.  If my dad were to accept the job, and he's seriously considering it, my mom and sister would go live with him.  He'd be a manager so he'd get to live in a special section of the Aramco compound.  It's called the Golden Ghetto.  I've heard tales that it's better than living in Beverly Hills.  Hell, the compound even has a friggin horse farm on it!  I'm just a little jealous.  Maybe dad will pay off my student loans.  The cool thing is, if this does happen my mom said that we'd get together regularly in Bahrain or Dubai.  I'd LOVE to visit Dubai.  

Since I'm talking about the Middle East and that general region, it's interesting to note that I got my brother's DNA results back.  Talk about strange results.  My dad's family is apparently part of the L-Haplogroup, which originates from southern India, specifically from the upper warrior caste.  15% of people living in India today are part of the group.  The family I have actually traced back to Hungary, which thinking back on my geography lessons, is nowhere near India.  The genetic test done in Hungary recently indicate that less than 1% fall into the L-haplogroup.  So kinda makes me wonder what's up with my family.  Were some children the results of invaders?  Maybe the family moved from the east and settled in the region?  Certainly very curious.

And finally, because it's so awesome, I have to comment on the latest season of Supernatural.  OMFG!!!!!  It has been amazing!  Normally I don't comment during the show, I'm usually fairly silent, maybe giggling at certain parts.  This last episode, In the Beginning, actually had me on my feet saying 'Oh my God!' at one point.  Then at another point I was nearly in tears.  The first three episodes have been well written, acted and just awesome in general.  Can't wait until this Thursday!!